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So it's almost a New Year. We are doing our normal New Year stuff like renovations during the break. Daddy put in new lights and it's much nicer in the kitchen. Near the window is a tiny little bubble ... I like to think it's energy, happy energy :)
This picture is of you saying "hold me" - and I did, do you remember how we used to dance???? I love you so much.
Traditionally, New Year's Eve has always been a kind of bad time. You used to pull your worst antics on New Years' Eve. A couple samplings? The time you decided to drive your wheelchair down the stairs and almost died. The time you decided to get wrapped up in the TV cord and have the ginormous tv fall, almost killing you and of course, lest we all forget, the time you spiked a fever to 107, went into status epilepticus (for two hours) requiring the hospital ER to drill into your shins (intraosseous infusion). So as anyone could imagine, I always held my breath for you around this time of year. Oh and the time you fractured your femur. Yeah good times, not so much.
There you are on the road with Dad and Liam .... with the mountains and horses and just that gorgeous day =)
Last night I had an incredible dream. Not quite Epic because I can't remember it clearly, but clear enough. There were two parts 1)We were together and it was beautiful out, sunny and just perfect temperature. We were almost blissful, carefree and walking down a road which was post-card, picture perfect. At times we would run and laugh and other times, just walk and stop along to look at the landscape. It seemed, in the dream, that people would come and go, like your siblings, and they'd scamper off to something else, but would continue to 'come back' to our adventure. In the 2) second part of the dream, I could touch you, we were also at one point dancing. I had you out of the wheelchair and we were twirling and dancing and it was wondrous. Daddy asked me why I kept repeating the scene (almost as if I had control of it) and I said "Because I can touch him and feel him". In was very real in the dream, that part is definitely Epic, in my opinion, because I COULD feel you and kiss your head. I remember thinking "take advantage of this" as if some voice was telling me too. It was not a lucid dream in the true sense of that, but I do know 'something' was telling me to keep repeating it so I could really really spend that time with 'you'.
Then I woke up, which I will tell you, I hate doing when I am having that type of dream.
Kind of like this road .... not the best pic but you get the overall general picture ... horses in the background etc. That's Julia off to the left .... And of course, me and you!!!!!
With Julia, Emily and Daddy on our road..........
Like in this picture, holding you and just swinging you around, you loved to dance and loved to have fun :) And you sure knew how Bryant. Lessons that I try and keep with me and the wonders you shared with us.
So another year comes to a close. Still a few days away, but of course, I am thinking about 2012, another year without you physically here. Time seems to fly and stand still all at the same time. Time. Hmm..... I hope I have more dreams like last night. But then, of course, life with you has been like a dream. We all miss you tons Bryant. Emily misses you a lot. I hope she will dream of the great times you two shared. My two little peas in a pod.
Love you xo xo Mommy <3
So it's almost a New Year. We are doing our normal New Year stuff like renovations during the break. Daddy put in new lights and it's much nicer in the kitchen. Near the window is a tiny little bubble ... I like to think it's energy, happy energy :)
This picture is of you saying "hold me" - and I did, do you remember how we used to dance???? I love you so much.
Traditionally, New Year's Eve has always been a kind of bad time. You used to pull your worst antics on New Years' Eve. A couple samplings? The time you decided to drive your wheelchair down the stairs and almost died. The time you decided to get wrapped up in the TV cord and have the ginormous tv fall, almost killing you and of course, lest we all forget, the time you spiked a fever to 107, went into status epilepticus (for two hours) requiring the hospital ER to drill into your shins (intraosseous infusion). So as anyone could imagine, I always held my breath for you around this time of year. Oh and the time you fractured your femur. Yeah good times, not so much.
There you are on the road with Dad and Liam .... with the mountains and horses and just that gorgeous day =)
Last night I had an incredible dream. Not quite Epic because I can't remember it clearly, but clear enough. There were two parts 1)We were together and it was beautiful out, sunny and just perfect temperature. We were almost blissful, carefree and walking down a road which was post-card, picture perfect. At times we would run and laugh and other times, just walk and stop along to look at the landscape. It seemed, in the dream, that people would come and go, like your siblings, and they'd scamper off to something else, but would continue to 'come back' to our adventure. In the 2) second part of the dream, I could touch you, we were also at one point dancing. I had you out of the wheelchair and we were twirling and dancing and it was wondrous. Daddy asked me why I kept repeating the scene (almost as if I had control of it) and I said "Because I can touch him and feel him". In was very real in the dream, that part is definitely Epic, in my opinion, because I COULD feel you and kiss your head. I remember thinking "take advantage of this" as if some voice was telling me too. It was not a lucid dream in the true sense of that, but I do know 'something' was telling me to keep repeating it so I could really really spend that time with 'you'.
Then I woke up, which I will tell you, I hate doing when I am having that type of dream.
Like in this picture, holding you and just swinging you around, you loved to dance and loved to have fun :) And you sure knew how Bryant. Lessons that I try and keep with me and the wonders you shared with us.
So another year comes to a close. Still a few days away, but of course, I am thinking about 2012, another year without you physically here. Time seems to fly and stand still all at the same time. Time. Hmm..... I hope I have more dreams like last night. But then, of course, life with you has been like a dream. We all miss you tons Bryant. Emily misses you a lot. I hope she will dream of the great times you two shared. My two little peas in a pod.
Love you xo xo Mommy <3
1 comments:
Yes, Cheryl that's how I feel about the New Year, another year without our loved ones - another year missing Bryant! But that Dream is a lot like the kind of dreams I have about Bryant and Grammy and Aunt Jeanne, they are in my life just like the way they were when they were physically here alive, and we talk just like we use to and do the same things, shop,and we are all visiting and eating and talking, sometimes arguing the way we did,not with Danny in the picture though, and Bryant can walk - and I am always amazed (in my dream) and I tell everyone in the dream - look at Bryant - walking and running, It seems I always see him that way - he is out of the wheel chair - and all of us are together talking and doing things like we always did then- those, like you said, are the dreams that I don't want to wake up from, I always think that Jehovah gives us these dreams so that they (our precious ones)are never far away from us so that there is no total removal of them from our minds, and we can remember just what they look like and remember them just as HE the Almighty remembers them - it is like a gift He gives us -
We miss Bryant and you especially do Cheryl because you and him where never apart for any time, even when you went out, he was on your mind; plus he did so much social things, and enjoyed them, like you said dancing - and It's true like you said - on New Years or around that time - awful things happened to Him and You and Dave, emergency rooms and terrifying times - but most of all Bryant brought such happy times - We hate the thought of another year without him -.....
Grammy
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