Platitudes & God

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Platitudes.  The Dictionary Says:   Flat, dull, or trite remark, especially one uttered as if it were fresh or profound.

The one I really hate?   "God will never test you beyond what you can bear.  He knew you were strong so he gave Bryant to you."

Usually they then stand back and seem to appear proud of the profoundness of this Revelation, which is nowhere to be found anywhere in the Bible.  Nowhere.  I believe most people utter it 1) because they've heard it said before and 2) they think it means 'it' can't happen to them because they are not strong.  It's like a reverse compliment.

Any of us with children who were born with severe medical issues would have traded places with our babies in a heartbeat or even given our lives so that our children would not suffer.  And any of us who have lost children to death would also change places with them in an instant.  These deals, however, are not offered.  So we carry on and do our best.  The thing is, this didn't really "happen to me" as much as it "happened to Bryant", my son.  I did not go through 25+ surgeries, have a tracheotomy in my neck nor a g-tube in my stomach.  I did not endure countless hospitalizations for  pneumonia or have IV's drilled into my shins without anesthesia during a 2-hour seizure.  But I did watch.  And I lived it WITH Bryant; but he was the one who had the strength and he was the one who taught.

I believe in God, don't get me wrong.  Perhaps I know the Bible a little too well to agree with such a nonsensical quote.

1 Corinthians 10:13 = There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God [is] faithful, who will not suffer you to be TEMPTED above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear [it].  (King James Version).  The word is "tempted" not "tested".  And even so, one wonders what happens if you 'fail' the test and you put the child in an institution, as was the case in the earlier years (State Institutions commonplace) or if you somehow otherwise fail.

Psalm 127:3  Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward (King James).  Again, many would agree our children are a gracious and generous gift from God.  Even the damaged ones.  Yet, for some reason, while the platitudes abound about "God" being the Mastermind of these children; Society does not seem to reflect that, except when they utter the platitudes to us and then walk away .... leaving us to feel slightly confused and bewildered on how they know about our "strength". 

True, there are many understanding and empathetic people who do understand (these are not the ones usually uttering the above platitude).  They pitch in and help out.  They get it.

Ecclesiastes 9: 2 ²All [things come] alike to all: [there is] one event to the righteous, and to the wicked; to the good and to the clean, and to the unclean; to him that sacrificeth, and to him that sacrificeth not: as [is] the good, so [is] the sinner; [and] he that sweareth, as [he] that feareth an oath.   (King James)  this basically says good and bad come to all; both good to good; bad to bad; good to bad; bad to good ... another version puts it "Time and unforeseeon occurrence befall us all".

To somehow imply that God chooses people based on their strength is kind of curious.  I do know that the Bible also says "In your weakness, strength will be revealed" but that means that in our weakness the strength of God is made known, not our own.  God gives us strength.   Here it gets kind of murky when you deal with any type of platitude because you can spin it any way to make yourself feel good.  But at the end of the day, God did not make Bryant's chromosomes do the funky dance because God knew I was strong.  If anyone believes anything in the Bible, they must believe the fundamentals of the Bible - God's Sovereignty and how it was challenged - "Through one Man (Adam) all have sin; through one (Jesus) all are saved" ~ we all have sin / thus imperfection.   Good and bad people, we all inherit this "sin" or imperfection.  So by telling me God "chose" me and that was because of my "strength" that does not somehow let them off the hook of "it" happening to them.  We do not not control that; unless we have prenatal testing and decide to interrupt the process of imperfection ever happening to us.  And some do that; and some do not 'hanlde' it, many have depression, breakdowns, marriage break-ups, putting the child 'away' etc.  But this happens to regular children as well.  Perfectly healthy children are abused, neglected and worse.  Why?  Did God know their parents were weak so he sent them a perfect child so they could damage it?  Huh?

If you've read anything on my Blog, you know I do believe Bryant was a Gift from God.  Not because of his disabilities, but because of his spirit and his soul.  His love of life and the way he handled life with grace.  He taught me.  My other children teach me as well and I shudder most times wondering what I would have been as a person without Bryant.  Without knowing that type of pure love.  What I do know, though, is that not everyone accepts their "gifts" and while it is my opinion that Bryant is a gift; I know that God does not want any suffering for his 'children'.   He does not take any pleasure in sickness or death.  That's why Jesus came and why Jesus healed.  He didn't tell the blind "Hey it's cool pal, God made you like that.  I am not going to restore your sight".  Nope.  The Bible tells us that he felt pity and made them well.  The Blind, the Sick, the Deaf, anyone who asked.

God does give us the strength, many of see the determination in our childrens' eyes and are guided by that and by the knowledge that God will grant us strength.  I believe, for me, that God was and is with Bryant.  I believe God allowed me to see the incredible wonders that Bryant brought to our lives while he was with us.  And for all of that, I am thankful.  I am not thankful, nor have ever been, for the platitudes of those who have no idea what they are talking about.  Sometimes it's better to say nothing at all.  Don't admire my strength because you know nothing of it.

This continues on now with Bryant's passing.  The platitudes come and sometimes they are just so annoying.  I think what happens is this disconnect, almost like an isolation of knowing places and feelings and experiences most other humans will never know.  And there is no way to explain it or communicate it without them having to actually experience it.  Which is where perhaps the temptation comes in.  The temptation to slap someone in the head ... you know that kind....

But that's another story :)  For now I am thankful to God for Bryant and my kids and my Life.  Maybe I should consider myself "chosen" ~ and sometimes I do =)    Always thankful for Bryant, xo xo Mommy !!

This, of course, could be an