One year

Well Bryant, I had to put the two pictures up. The one of you in the NICU when you were born and the one of your High School Graduation. Your entire life was about something. In the early days, we didn't know if you'd live or not and how your life would be. We were stuck in 'normal' ~ your arrival spun me around, upside down and back around again. Today, when watching old videos of you, I really was struck, again, by how incredibly blessed I am to have known you. And I mean truly know you.

You went through so much in your life Bryant, physically ~ and you seemed to transcend it all. I was merely along for the ride - the ride of a lifetime. The most interesting thing to me Bryant is you created a legacy while you were alive. It's not something we have to imagine now or put together, pieces of who or what you were. You gave voice to a personality larger than life.

You saved me Bryant. You taught me and you saved me. You took me to heights I would never have known or seen. You made me question everything, try and find answers anywhere and always search for truth. I really knew you. And, it seems, Bryant, you knew me. My life, having you in it, having your father, your sisters and your brother, unbelievable. Liam went out to a movie with a friend last night and spoke about you. How much he loved you and how much he helped you and you know Bryant, he did help you. He'd change your movies or tell us if you wanted something, he helped give you a voice. But the reality is that helped us. And because of you, Liam will grow into a person who will always give voice to those who need it, just as we do. And, in return, we will receive the view that transcends the normal, the regular, the mundane.

So, today marks a year without you. You have left me with gifts and I expect that you expect I will have learned how to use them. You gave me 20 years. As I look through videos and pictures and memories and mental images, they all lead to the same place. I was blessed to have someone like you, I was blessed Bryant to know you. Because by knowing you, you allowed me to really see, to have vision and to acquire such incredible gifts in living life.

I miss you, I cry to have you with me again. I wonder if I am really strong enough without you? You surely left a legacy and it is when I am not listening and not seeing that the darkness creeps in. Then, I can see your sisters and your brother, not a day goes by that I do not receive a compliment or story about them and their graciousness or goodness. And I know Bryant that's what defined you. You were a strong leader, a strong teacher and a strong, strong person, a spirit not often seen ~ unless someone is willing to look. So for those you touched, in us, you live on. And, in the darkest of times, Bryant, I hear you and see you ~ everywhere. You knew you couldn't stay, surely you were tired. I know that, but in my selfishness I wish for you. And long for that day Bryant when I will see you again. I'm a tough study Bryant, but I am trying, and I hope you will find I learned well. You saved me Bryant and I love you so much.

Love,

Mommy