Pondering ...

Well good news. We have our new computer. Up and running. The computer guy was able to transfer most of our old stuff onto this one, so that will be good. One issue though is the running diary that I had for you. It did not transfer over. I was so set in my ways, using outdated Word Perfect. I wish I had put it over on Word. Anyway, the good news to that bad news is that I did have the brainpower to print it out, all 120 pages in its glory, in January. Which seems kind of ironic. The last entry is like 1/2/2009 - just a few months before you left us. I am glad I have the majority of it, it just seems ironic that so little of 2009 made it ... kind of like you leaving us too early. Anyway, all the pictures are in tact which is good, not that I don't have enough in the 100 or so photo albums. And the 75 hours of video tape. I started to transfer the ancient VHS over to DVD but only did 3 of the tapes. I guess I'll be saving that project for the Fall when Liam goes to school full-time. Emily will graduate on the 23rd. I am going to miss you very much that day. You would have 'graduated' sort of that day, but I also know you would have been bored to tears at the graduation so I guess I'll have to remember that to get a chuckle out of the whole thing. You weren't one for sitting around that's for sure.

We miss you so much Bryant. I am still in the angry stage. I told you I would be here for awhile if not indefinately. Not that I am angry all the time. Not so at all. Quite the contrary. I am angry that you had to endure so much; and angry of course that you left us way too early. That will never go away. But I am not angry-hearted, that's the difference. I am so thankful that we had you for 20 years. You have really taught us so much and as we begin to heal and contemplate what life without you being physically here means, we begin to REALLY see you for what you accomplished. What you taught and how you lived.

You inspire and you make me smile more often than not. Daddy and I talk about you all the time and the stuff you used to do and pull on us and how funny you were to be around. And how much you gave us.

It's been nice out. Mostly summer is here or at least on its way. Lots going on. Daddy has been busy in the yard, you would have gotten a kick out of that and would have enjoyed watching him. Oh, and we donated your Dynavox to another little kid. It was really, really hard for me to do. We still have the Dynamyte though and the info from your Dyanvox is saved so I still "have it" at least in that version. You used the Dynamyte more anyway so I am glad we are keeping that one. Anyway, Linda G came and picked up the DV4 and said she was going to give it to a 5 year old boy. That made me smile and I know for a fact you would be proud of me. You loved it when you got your first one, you were around 5. Linda remembers you and how much of a difference it made in your life. So, you continue to change lives Bryant. You continue to give.

We are going to the Graduation as I mentioned and then the next night is the Special Olympics Celebrations where you will be honored and remembered. I think you would have liked that, all the attention and stuff :) So I'll soak it up for you.

Love you lots, Mommy