Weak 3

Well Bryant, counting the days still. I am sure that will last awhile. Things here are hard, getting worse I guess, because it's all sinking in. I am thinking (and reading) that this is completely normal and something you have to work through. Well if anyone knows a thing or two about "working through" it, that would be us, huh? This one is a little tougher though because you aren't here to guide us. Or so it seems. I know I should allow myself to see your life and not the death because that's where the peace will come. I also know, from my newfound preoccupation with the "grief process" that this will also take a long time. Great. Time. It's always about that it seems, huh? You gave us so much time, 20 years. I want to focus on that and what was good about it, which was pretty much everything. I can still see you so clearly and feel your hair, I always loved your incredible head of hair :) Those are happy smiley memories. I am not sure how you did it Bryant, how you lived each day to the fullest without any sadness. That was always the thing that amazed me the most about you, you were always happy and smiling, always ready to share a smile or high five. Always. How can that be? How can I be so lost without you? How can we be so lost? I am thinking we really are not. We are just "disoriented" by your sudden absense. Okay, so now I am not sure what to say. I am not sure how I wrote that. We aren't lost, just disoriented. Okay, so how to orient? That's what it's like. We were going, full steam down the path you had us on, full steam. Just moving, like break-neck speed. And then, all of a sudden, what the ... Bryant is missing from the "path". So, now what? No path appears, just the end. I can't seem to think that Bryant, though I picture, us - waking to find you gone and we are at this cross-roads. Arrows going every way, which way to go? And how to go without you? Like at Disney when we'd be at the Animal Kingdom, so crowded, so hot and look up so disoriented as to where to go???? Which way????? Which attraction? We didn't need no stinkin' map at the Magic Kingdom or even EPCOT. But we did at Animal Kingdom and sometimes at MGM when they would add a new attraction but that's because it was new. Like the path we have to choose now. Do we take the sad, worn down path of tears and unbelievable pain and hurt? Do we need to, for a time? I am not sure. Or do we celebrate your life. That's the question right now. What path, what direction, what "attraction". We are worn out, we are tired, we are hot. But like at Disney, we're still looking at what to do next. Because we have to. Sure, we could leave. But that's not really fun and certainly not your way. We need to find a nice cool relaxing spot and see a show or hop on a slow ride, at least for right now. You always loved Small World, but boy oh boy, could you hold your own on Splash Mtn? So, maybe we are on Small World right now and not ready for the Splash Mtn? Maybe we should let you guide us as you always have? Perhaps. Haps we shall.